Wednesday, October 27, 2010

TO YOU!!!


Im a true believer that GOD places certain people in your life for a reason...and i know why your in mine...




i just read something that really has my mind racing...this is dedicated to a very special friend of mine and they know who they are. this person was really there for me during a time in my life when i was really down and low on faith...i love you for that.

YOU are super special to me. I know i never really say it...we dont see each other that much but i wanna be there for you the way you were  there for me. your going through something that has made you look at life a little differently...i can totally relate to you. its crazy because sometimes God allows things to happen that NO ONE understands. Ive been there...i use to always ask...GOD WHATS NEXT? and he answered my question every time. he gave me soooo much strength...strength i didnt even know i had...sometimes when i felt like crying he would make me smile...he told me that "everything was going to be okay." I know the past year ive said that to myself every bit of a thousand times...i say it even to this day. and everything always works out just like he said. sometimes it didnt happen right away...one thing in particular took 9 months (SB) but it worked out and i couldnt be happier. you have found happiness and love in someone...ive watched you. you deserve every bit of it. i always say how happy iam that your happy.

i just want you to know that you have so much to be thankful for, you have to accept the good and the bad. you are a very strong women. you and your family will get through this...and i love what you said about living LIFE. YES!!!! LIVE LIFE, LOVE and be HAPPY. tomorrow isnt promised to any of us. if you never learn anything else from me just remember to smile. a smile goes a long way and you never know when some else needs it and you never know when YOU are going to need it...thats one of the reasons why i love to smile...alot of the time i have no clue what im smiling about lol but i do it anyway. you have been such a good friend to me and i really appreciate you. dont worry...everything happens for a reason and everything that GOD does...is good.

love you much!

your friend,
Ari xoxo

Friday, October 15, 2010

I JUST HOPE...

to love
to be happy
to be a great mommy
to make a difference
to be a positive example
to make good decisions
to be understanding
to keep an open mind
to be productive
to be a leader

this list could really go on and on...these are just a few things that i strive for. these things make me who iam and they set the foundation for how my little one is raised. tomorrow isn't promised...i just encourage you to take a minute and think..."what do i hope for"...and make it happen not just one day...but everyday.

xoxo

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

3 MONTHS AND GROWING...

i knew...actually for some reason i remember the night that it happened...the love was so passionate,  so one morning when i woke up not feeling that great...moving slow, feeling weak, and wanting to sleep all day, i knew i had to be pregnant. im not going to lie...i was in denial a for a while  but everyday my body was sure to remind me.  i decided to carryon as normal...this isnt happening...not to me....Arielle...no way. i woke up everyday wondering if some one was going to notice a change in me.


i wanted to tell him. he was like my best friend. never had a hard time talking to him but i was nervous about how he was going to feel. see way back i made a promise to myself and God that if anything like this happened, i would man up and do whats right. We all make mistakes and i know shit happens but as a human, as a women, and as a soon to be mother...i just couldnt seem to get myself to do it...terminate the pregnancy that is. i would call my gyn...schedule an appointment to terminate the baby and i would always get scared and chicken out. i knew this was never in my life plan at 24 but i also knew that i couldnt kill this life inside of me...i knew that i had to take responsibility. 


so i said to myself...today is the day...your gonna tell him. he had a very busy schedule and the time just never seemed right to me. but i knew that i had to. i was a little over a month pregnant and then it happened...THE BREAK UP. no one ever would had thought...but it happened...i was torn...and with a child that i just couldnt let go, from a relationship with a man that i thought i was going to be with for the rest of my life. baby or no baby. from that moment i felt like everyday was a struggle. i was sad...had no motivation and my best friend was gone...not to mention the physical and emotional changes that every women goes through when she is expecting. sometimes i didnt even want to wake up...i wanted to disappear, wanted to escape from everything and everyone. i wanted my life back.


HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! i had just gotten home from partying with my girls. i was super tired and i had to be to work at 7am. i was lying in my bed looking at the ceiling...and then i heard it..."so they dont understand why i'll never leave you..." mariah carey and the dream..."my love" which was his ringtone and still is to this day. i jumped up...grabbed my phone.."hello"..."hey...where are you" he said. "im home" i replied. "good, im on my way". about 20 mins later i heard someone tooting there car horn outside my house...i ran to the window and it was him and that white van lol. i then quickly went to the bathroom to freshen up, ran downstairs and opened the door. he came in...we talked for a couple hours...i knew he loved me. i could just tell...i always knew he loved me even when he did stupid things...remember my first post titled...NICHOLE?


for some reason when he left i felt better...i knew that we  were going to be together and was blessed with something special. from that moment i took pride and honor in being pregnant...7 months later i gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy ever. God told me that everything was going to be okay...i had to keep the faith. and every time i look at SB im reminded that he is a gift from God. SB is a very lucky little dude. not only do i love him more than anything but he has an awesome dad that i know loves him and is working hard everyday to be able to provide him with all the things we had and more. I love my little family with all my heart. i know things are not perfect but they soon will be...


 xoxo.









Monday, October 4, 2010

NICHOLE

it was the month of june...and if i recall correctly it was raining and i mean really raining. kam stopped by my house and persuaded me to get out and get some fresh air. so we joined the girls at canton dockside for crabs and margaritas. for some reason that night i really wasnt in the mood, anyone who knew me knew that i never gave up an opportunity to  be with my girls...especially over food and drinks...

it had been seven months since i had met who i thought was the greatest guy in the world...i could say our relationship was perfect...until that night. so im at the dinner table with butterflies in my tummy...couldn't tell you why...appetite gone, something said CALL HIM....that must had been that women's intuition i was feeling. so i pick up my blackberry and dialed...*the one*, yup thats exactly how his contact was in my phone. anyway, he always answered my calls...it didn't matter what time of day, if he was working, if he was sleep, or even if he was on the shitter...when i called he answered. that was one of the many things i loved about him.

so i called...no answer...ummm, maybe he didn't hear his phone. normally i would have waited for him to call me back but something said "CALL AGAIN" so i did...still no pick up. after the 9th time i called with no response something said "GET IN THE CAR." i quickly announced to my girls that i had to go...something wasn't right and i HAD TO GO. i knew right there that something strange was going on and i couldn't even tell you what. i just had the feeling when your heart is at the pit of your stomach. i literally felt like i was going to vomit.

im in my car speeding down boston street still calling his phone...21 calls later he answers "hey babe"...by this time you can only imagine how angry i was. before that day i never had to call his phone more than once so that itself was a sign. so i responded "hey...you didn't you see me calling?" he says "no babe i was upstairs and my phone was downstairs." then he was super quick to ask me where was i. you see, i knew  this man inside and out...but something was different about him on the phone...he gave himself away. it was his tone, how he was breathing, and how i felt like he was trying to keep me calm. i could tell that he wanted to make sure that i was no where near the house but little did he know that by this time i was outside his door...i didn't even bother to park. i knocked on the door...his friend opened it and his eyes said it all...it was as if he had seen a ghost. at this point i knew for sure my gut was right.

then i saw HER...she looked familiar. she had her handbag in her hand as if she was leaving...but when she saw me she quickly turned and went the other way. "so is this the reason you weren't responding to my calls" i asked...well actually yelled. clearly he heard that bc came to the door with this dumb ass look on his face...i could tell he was nervous bc he was caught...he asked me to calm down..."NO". all i wanted to know was why was she there...things got a little heated and i swear i could have really hurt that man that night but i was so  shocked and disappointed that all i could do was yell and cry. i really wanted to know the truth. in the heat of everything he decides to leave the house...this lady was still in there...now that really drove me crazy. the normal guy would have told that chick to leave...but no. i guess she felt save in the house. honestly that was the safest place for her bc i sat outside and was waiting for that ass to walk out that door and when she did i was going to tear her apart.

so apparently he leaves the house with his friends...this lady in his house...and me outside on a stakeout and goes to the club...silly silly rabbit. i drove downtown with the intention to pop up on him...but then i spotted it....his car...so i did something that i had only seen on tv...something that i never  thought in a billion years that i would even think about  doing. its crazy bc i didnt even have to think twice. i pulled beside his parked car and i did it...slashed his mutha fuckin tires...