i knew...actually for some reason i remember the night that it happened...the love was so passionate, so one morning when i woke up not feeling that great...moving slow, feeling weak, and wanting to sleep all day, i knew i had to be pregnant. im not going to lie...i was in denial a for a while but everyday my body was sure to remind me. i decided to carryon as normal...this isnt happening...not to me....Arielle...no way. i woke up everyday wondering if some one was going to notice a change in me.
i wanted to tell him. he was like my best friend. never had a hard time talking to him but i was nervous about how he was going to feel. see way back i made a promise to myself and God that if anything like this happened, i would man up and do whats right. We all make mistakes and i know shit happens but as a human, as a women, and as a soon to be mother...i just couldnt seem to get myself to do it...terminate the pregnancy that is. i would call my gyn...schedule an appointment to terminate the baby and i would always get scared and chicken out. i knew this was never in my life plan at 24 but i also knew that i couldnt kill this life inside of me...i knew that i had to take responsibility.
so i said to myself...today is the day...your gonna tell him. he had a very busy schedule and the time just never seemed right to me. but i knew that i had to. i was a little over a month pregnant and then it happened...THE BREAK UP. no one ever would had thought...but it happened...i was torn...and with a child that i just couldnt let go, from a relationship with a man that i thought i was going to be with for the rest of my life. baby or no baby. from that moment i felt like everyday was a struggle. i was sad...had no motivation and my best friend was gone...not to mention the physical and emotional changes that every women goes through when she is expecting. sometimes i didnt even want to wake up...i wanted to disappear, wanted to escape from everything and everyone. i wanted my life back.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! i had just gotten home from partying with my girls. i was super tired and i had to be to work at 7am. i was lying in my bed looking at the ceiling...and then i heard it..."so they dont understand why i'll never leave you..." mariah carey and the dream..."my love" which was his ringtone and still is to this day. i jumped up...grabbed my phone.."hello"..."hey...where are you" he said. "im home" i replied. "good, im on my way". about 20 mins later i heard someone tooting there car horn outside my house...i ran to the window and it was him and that white van lol. i then quickly went to the bathroom to freshen up, ran downstairs and opened the door. he came in...we talked for a couple hours...i knew he loved me. i could just tell...i always knew he loved me even when he did stupid things...remember my first post titled...NICHOLE?
for some reason when he left i felt better...i knew that we were going to be together and was blessed with something special. from that moment i took pride and honor in being pregnant...7 months later i gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy ever. God told me that everything was going to be okay...i had to keep the faith. and every time i look at SB im reminded that he is a gift from God. SB is a very lucky little dude. not only do i love him more than anything but he has an awesome dad that i know loves him and is working hard everyday to be able to provide him with all the things we had and more. I love my little family with all my heart. i know things are not perfect but they soon will be...
xoxo.
Awwwww.... Kiss Kiss SB!
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